2 months

Today marked two months since our sweet little Avery's passing. We went up to the cemetery today as a family and put flowers on her headstone which was finally set about a week ago. It was overwhelming and completely surreal seeing our little girl's name on that piece of stone. The question that I get a lot is, "has it gotten any easier?" To that I answer...not at all...not for me. Mike and I have conversations about her daily, and for him, time has taken away a decent part of the pain. He still thinks about her often, and of course has his fair share of bad days, but he seems to be handling life pretty well from my perspective. Me on the other hand, I'm going to take a decent amount of work and I think a lot of time.

More than ever, I have a profound appreciation for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and for the restoration of the Priesthood. If I didn't have the knowledge of the Savior's Atonement and his promise of a resurrection, I think life would be so sad. There would be absolutely no hope. I don't know that I would find much to look forward to, and I think the pain of losing Avery would be unbearable if it weren't for the Priesthood and the sealing power that binds us together as a family for eternity. Because of the knowledge I have of those priceless gifts, the acute sting of Avery's passing has indeed subsided, and for that I am grateful (and functional for that matter). While the sting has settled, I still live everyday with a kind of numbness and a dull pain that seems to follow me everywhere I go. I still just kind of stick to my little familyand keep myself occupied with my girls so that people don't see the tears or sadness in my face. I could never have imagined the potency of the void in our home without her. Oh how I miss my baby girl and whish I could feel her little fingers wrapped around mine. I'm sure life will get easier when I am ready to let go of some of the pain, but I don't think I am quite yet. Having said that, I continue to look forward to the day where we can pick up where we left off. I know that day will come, probably not soon enough, but I know it will.

4th of July

It's so easy for holidays to come and go without ever thinking about their meaning. I am grateful though for the freedoms that we have. I am grateful for those who have sacrificed much, if not all, for the wonderful nation that I feel so blessed to live in. I am by no means oblivious to the fact that our current president seeks to take away much of our freedom, however, I am still grateful for the divine inspiration and foresight that our country is founded upon, and will be forever grateful for the simple freedoms we possess. That being said, we had a fun fourth of July.

Mike and I celebrated our 6 year anniversary on July 3rd. In these short six years, we have had so many good times together and so few bad. He makes me laugh all the time (if nothing else, at least a courtesy laugh) and he treats me better than I could ever deserve. He continues to inspire me to be a better person and with respect to our recent loss, I could never have asked for a better friend. He is my best friend. I've never had a better shoulder to cry on, and in my case, that is a daily occurrence. I am carrying a lot of baggage these days, and he is always there to pick up the slack. I would be a complete mess without him (I'm sure I am a big mess, but he keeps that to himself). I feel like the luckiest girl alive.

Thanks to my wonderful parents, Mike and I were able to go out to dinner, a movie, and a fun bike ride around the river...alone. It's SO much easier and pleasant to bike without towing an extra 55lbs. After our bike ride to kick off the 4th, and after I recorded over 2 of the 5 minutes of footage I had of Avery (once again, thank you to a forgiving and consoling husband), we played in the pool and spent a fun night with friends barbquing and lighting off fireworks. We also enjoyed the nice show of illegal fireworks the neighbors put on for us.

Our fun little pool that we use when we don't feel like going all the way (1/8 of a mile) to the clubhouse. I know, we're pathetic. Sometimes it takes longer to get the girls ready than it does actually playing at the pool.

Kate trying to write her name on the sidewalk. I was actually surprised Kate would even hold one but she actually had a great time.

As always, Kara loves whatever is going on.