Finding a new normal

Life will never be the same. For that...I am profoundly grateful. I am not prepared, nor do I know if I ever will be, to say that I am grateful for the loss of our daughter, but the lessons that I have learned, and the experiences that I have had as a result of this experience, I will forever hold sacred. The moment Avery passed away, I felt a huge void in life. I continue to feel it every minute of every day. It's amazing how Avery was physically in our family for only seven weeks before she passed, yet we feel a loss deeper than I ever dared to imagine. Our love for her penetrates every aspect of our life. The void will be there indefinitely...until we meet again. The promise of Eternal Life has taken on an entirely new meaning for me. Ironically, I truly feel like I have been given a second chance at life. I've been given a second chance to try harder and to be a better person in every facet of life. I am more grateful for my family than I ever thought possible. I find that my thoughts and my actions are a direct result of my burning desire to be with my baby girl again, and consequently, I constantly strive to be a better person. I think twice before I say anything that might offend. I look for ways to serve, mostly as a result of so many selfless people who came to our side when we needed them. None of this is to say that I am anywhere where I need to be, but at least now I hope that maybe I am faced in the right direction and one step ahead of where I used to be. I know that Avery is well and that her spirit thrives. I know that we will see her again. I know that the Atonement is personal. I know that because our loving Heavenly Father put forth a perfect plan, I am finding a new normal in life. I will be better. I will love more. I will judge less. For the time being, my heart will still ache when I see an infant. For now, I prefer to be at home. For now, I will cry every day, but I'm sure as time passes, the sting of her absence will subside -for I know that we will be together again. For ever, I will be grateful for the blessings that have been poured out on my family because of our trial. Our home and our lives are peaceful, and we are happy.

Conversation of the year

Kara (2 yrs.): Where's Avery?
Kate (4 yrs.): She's in Heaven Kara.
Kara: Can I go to Heaven?
Kate: Not right now. You have to be sick and not get better, or you have to be really old to go to Heaven. Some day we'll go to Heaven but not now.

They process a lot more than we give them credit for...perfectly stated in my opinion.

Pictures of Avery

Looking back, there are a lot of things that I would have done differently. One being, I would have taken a ton more pictures and video. But since I had no clue what the future held for us these are some of the few pictures that we were able to take of Avery. Half of them are of her at home and the other half were taken when she was in the hospital.

Tiny hands

One of our nurses suggested that we take these pictures and we're glad she did. Although her body wasn't, her spirit was strong. There was about a week and a half that she was on a paralytic medicine, where she didn't move or open her eyes. When those eyes opened again, I sensed that the eyes truly are the windows to the soul. It's amazing to me how quickly and how deeply my love developed for that soul. We're gonna miss you, sweetie; but we know Heavenly Father has taken you to where He wants you, and we trust Him.

I have a new-found gratitude for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, in multiple facets. The promise of a resurrection holds deeper meaning for me today than it did yesterday. Oh, how grateful we are for the enlightenment of the restored Gospel, with its doctrines and its sealing power. There has been immense comfort and perspective that have come with our understanding of the Divine plan. I shudder to think of shouldering this burden without the knowledge I have of that plan. Thanks be to God for His knowledge, His comfort, and His gift of allowing His children to become our children, forever.

~Mike

Memorial Service

We will be holding a memorial service for Avery Saturday morning at the LDS church building located at 9821 Old Placerville Rd., Sacramento, 95827. It will be held at 9:00am. We invite all friends and family to join us. Thanks again for all who have supported us through this. We truly love you.

Avery

Avery passed away this evening at 5:30 pm. We were blessed to be able to hold her as she passed through the veil. We feel so blessed and honored to be her parents.

Avery Update

We are still counting down the days to when Avery gets off of her bypass machine. They're hoping to be able to take her off on Monday. Right now she has a lot of adema (extra fluid in her tissues) which has made her really puffy. They're trying to take the extra fluids off of her through the dialysis machine but it's been a little difficult to keep her really stable throughout it. The days have been pretty "uneventful "...for Avery that is. We are just looking forward to the days when she starts to progress consistently.