Life will never be the same. For that...I am profoundly grateful. I am not prepared, nor do I know if I ever will be, to say that I am grateful for the loss of our daughter, but the lessons that I have learned, and the experiences that I have had as a result of this experience, I will forever hold sacred. The moment Avery passed away, I felt a huge void in life. I continue to feel it every minute of every day. It's amazing how Avery was physically in our family for only seven weeks before she passed, yet we feel a loss deeper than I ever dared to imagine. Our love for her penetrates every aspect of our life. The void will be there indefinitely...until we meet again. The promise of Eternal Life has taken on an entirely new meaning for me. Ironically, I truly feel like I have been given a second chance at life. I've been given a second chance to try harder and to be a better person in every facet of life. I am more grateful for my family than I ever thought possible. I find that my thoughts and my actions are a direct result of my burning desire to be with my baby girl again, and consequently, I constantly strive to be a better person. I think twice before I say anything that might offend. I look for ways to serve, mostly as a result of so many selfless people who came to our side when we needed them. None of this is to say that I am anywhere where I need to be, but at least now I hope that maybe I am faced in the right direction and one step ahead of where I used to be. I know that Avery is well and that her spirit thrives. I know that we will see her again. I know that the Atonement is personal. I know that because our loving Heavenly Father put forth a perfect plan, I am finding a new normal in life. I will be better. I will love more. I will judge less. For the time being, my heart will still ache when I see an infant. For now, I prefer to be at home. For now, I will cry every day, but I'm sure as time passes, the sting of her absence will subside -for I know that we will be together again. For ever, I will be grateful for the blessings that have been poured out on my family because of our trial. Our home and our lives are peaceful, and we are happy.
2 years ago
15 comments:
We're here for you, Laura.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings, Laura. I think about you and what you've said on this blog every day. Your faith is inspiring to me, and your example reminds me to try a little harder and be a little better.
I think about you and your courage everyday Laura. Thank you for your personal testimony...it has helped in strengthening mine. God bless you and your home. :)
Thank you for your thoughts and testimony. I have always looked up to you and am so grateful for your friendship and amazing example.
I'm sure it will be a struggle for a while. Let us know if you need anything.
Laura--my mom told me about your sweet little girl and my heart just aches for you and your family. Your testimony of the gospel is so profound and strong--you are amazing! Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and I too know that you'll get to see your little one again someday! Thanks for the reminder that life is indeed so precious. HUGS!
Love you Laura!
I know you are writing down these thoughts so that you can look upon them again later, not so that we can be uplifted by them, but when you are such an amazing person, you can't help but to lift those around you. Thank you for sharing.
I can't imagine how difficult it might be to write about your feelings and emotions right now, but I appreciate it so much and admire your strength and ability to do so. You are still in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that you are able to feel the arms of the Savior wrapped around you during the difficult times. And maybe some of those times you feel loving arms wrapped around you, it is your sweet Avery there to comfort you and let you know she is all right.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Stephen and Korbi Ashton.
How do I put into words the feelings that I feel when I think of you? I'm always fighting back tears as I think of the struggle you guys just went through. You both have amazing families and it was so very apparent at the funeral services! I wish that I was eloquent in writing, that there existed the perfect words to say that would suddenly heal everything, and that I would know those exact words. But then life's lessons wouldn't be learned I suppose. I hope you'll accept these meager words, and know that they are heartfelt: I love you! I know that we've just met when the ward was organized, but I felt an instant like for you then, and it's just been amplified 10 fold after getting to know you as my visiting teacher, and then through reading your blog and the words that you've written during these last weeks. I can't imagine the void that you are experiencing, but if there's any way that I can help alleviate it, I will be one of the first in line. There may be only elbow room as you have many friends, but I hope you can count me as one of them:) Thank you for your example.
I treasure your feelings and testimony.
I love you! You and your family have been in my prayers and I am constantly thinking of you and crying for you!
Anything you need just call.
My heart hurts so much for you and your family, Laura. I still keep you in my prayers and I don't see that ending any time soon. I am so impressed with your eternal perspective. I had a bad miscarriage last year and even that has made me feel the power of eternal families more in my every day life. What a blessing to know about the atonement.
We love you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, you are such a great example to us.
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